Will Indian Women Ever Have the Freedom Not to Marry?

Behind the Bollywood dream of the Great Indian Wedding, complete with white horse and brass bands, the reality for many Indian women is stark: there isn’t much alternative to marriage. Does it have to be this way for the next generation? How long can tradition be used to justify marrying off women before they’re old enough to make good choices — or to pressure women into marriage, because being single is not a culturally acceptable choice?

Except for a small sliver of the urban middle and upper classes, most young women will have only token control over what is considered the defining decision of their lives.

As I write, in modern India, “most girls and women are still defined by one major life event — marriage.”

What marriage means, even today, for many women was articulated by a bright 19-year-old, Sunita Devi, who had been sent to a naturopathy center outside Delhi by her prospective in-laws. They wanted her to lose five kilograms, more than 10 pounds, before the wedding. It was just one of the many changes that underlined how little of her life would remain the same. She would move to a different town, give up her dreams of running her own business, and even change her first name, in keeping with the tradition in her mother-in-law’s family.

“Even my weight is under their control,” she said, laughing.

In exchange, she hoped for some independence of her own and the status accorded to a married woman.

Perhaps migration to the cities will shift the balance for the next generation of young women, giving them a taste of independence. Some analysts hope that more role models and greater economic opportunities will help. Marriage may still be the primary choice for young women —but should it be the only choice?